Nothing had cut that deep before
by bulletproof.titanium
Summary: Beca was the weird alt girl that never really fit in, but she shouldn't be surprised because she didn't really try to. But Chloe is determined that Beca is just like her, deep down. For Chloe's sake, Beca hopes that they are like chalk and cheese, she prays that Chloe isn't feeling the way Beca does. WARNING: are references to self harm in this story.
1. Chapter 1

Beca tossed and turned in her bed, awoken by her headphones getting tangled up in herself. She slowly sat up and acknowledged that her roommate, Kimmy Jin, wasn't at her normal post – sitting at her desk staring blankly at her laptop screen. "She must have some Korean Club meeting" Beca thought aloud. She was glad that Kimmy Jin had left early, she wasn't in the mood to be scowled at. Beca didn't know what she had done to her roommate but whatever she had done, it had to of been something awful; unless she treated everyone like that. Beca pulled herself out of her bed and into a pair of skinny jeans and a plaid top; making her way to her first Bella's rehearsal.

Beca walked into the Bella's auditorium trying to hide her excitement, she couldn't let anyone know that she actually wanted to be here, that would totally ruin her image. She managed to hide it pretty well because after all, she was kind of tired from walking all the way from her dorm which just happened to be all the way across campus. Just Beca's luck. Everyone slowly started to make their way into the auditorium and before Beca knew it rehearsal was underway. She was almost enjoying herself before Aubrey practically exploded in her face; Beca knew that the Bella's captain didn't like her, but this was uncalled for, this was just plain rude. Aubrey was practically screaming at Beca before a blonde called Fat Amy stood between them and tried to joke her way through calming Aubrey down. "Crickey! It's easier to take a meal from a Dingo than it is to pry Aubrey away from you!" The Australian joked. Beca couldn't help but smile at the Aussie's attempt to make her laugh, but Beca's mind was soon onto other things. Like the Redhead that was now standing by Aubrey's side, who after 5 minutes with Aubrey called the rest of the rehearsal off. Everyone collected their things and shouted "Thanks Chloe" over their shoulder as they left the Auditorium. "Chloe?" Beca thought to herself, "that has to be the redhead right?"

Beca left the same auditorium that she had entered not even 4 hours prior, she was the same Beca but her mood was the polar opposite. She entered content, secretly happy to be there (even if she didn't let anyone catch onto that), she left torn. Not knowing if she should be absolutely fuming because of Aubrey or if she should be thinking about that red head, Chloe? Beca wanted to be mad at Aubrey so badly. After all, Aubrey was the stuck up Bella's captain that had just belittled her in front of all the Bella's, shouting at her, saying that she shouldn't have allowed her into the a cappella group. Apparently Beca didn't fit her standards and wasn't 'normal' enough for her.

Beca was almost running back to her dorm when she stopped dead in her tracks. Aubrey's last words were playing through her head, "I wish Chloe hadn't talked me into letting you in". The statement had almost been made under her breath, as if she didn't want Beca to of heard her. But all Beca could think of was _"had the she really said that to Aubrey? Had the redhead really stop up to Aubrey and told her to let me in? After her practically begging her to do the audition", _Beca didn't know what to think.

At this point Beca had started walking again. She had forgotten about being mad at Aubrey, she could do that later, right now her thoughts where consumed by this mysterious Bella co-captain, Chloe? Beca was still assuming that it was indeed the redhead's name. At this point Beca wasn't sure of many things, like how she felt about Chloe, what Chloe thought about her or just anything to do with this girl really. But Beca was sure of one thing; she wanted to be a part of this red heads life and in a big way.


	2. Chapter 2

Today felt so weird to Beca, nothing was making any sense to her. Like how it was a sunny, clear day outside yet once she had left her dorm she realised that it was in fact freezing. Or how Beca was up walking around the common greens before 10am, especially since Bellas rehearsals didn't start for another three hours. Beca sighed as she glanced at the oversized watch on her wrist. She let out another long sigh as she realised that she was yet to learn how to read this massive thing. Defeated, Beca reached into her pocket to retrieve her phone. "8:01" her Iphone read. Beca let out a third sigh and made her way across campus to her favourite coffee shop, _Ricochet_.

As Beca placed her order of a large mocha, she was less than impressed when she found her father entering the small café behind her. She had dreaded the day that this was going to happen, but Beca didn't want it to happen so soon, she had only been at Bardon for 2 months and she didn't want her father making a habit out of this. Beca swiftly collected her mocha and headed for a booth near the back of the café. Just as she had sat down at her booth she heard her name being called from behind her. She knew that voice anywhere, her father had noticed her.

She should have just ignored him, but no, Beca swivelled herself around on her chair and greeted him with a polite smile. Only to be follow by Beca's snide remark "So you've taken to stalking me, have you?"

Mr Mitchell chuckled and swiftly replied "No. Although it doesn't seem like a bad idea, as you don't seem to be fond of answering you phone."

Beca just looked at him as if that where a bad thing.

After a lengthy (and rather awkward pause), he continued "I need you to answer your phone Beca, I worry about you and you know that I need to know that you're okay."

Beca sighed and rolled her eyes at her father before her before continuing, "I know, I'm sorry, but I'm okay. I'm here aren't I?" she questioned her father.

He shook his head as he retorted, "By the way I actually came early, I didn't want to bump into you and your friends, and I didn't want to dent your groove". The end of his sentence became longer and drawn out, as he peered around the corner to find that the rest of the booth was in fact empty.

Beca cringed at her father trying to be cool.

She engaged in small talk for a few moments, saying that college was good and so was she before he announced that he has a class to get to. As Mr Mitchell turned on his heels and left the café, Beca sat at her booth debating to put on her head phones and get lost in her new mix or not. She reached for her phone and checked the time before placing it on the table in front of her. "8:30" it read, she had time to get lost in her mixes. With that she placed her headphones over her ears and put on her newest mix _Bulletproof Titanium _and relaxed back into her chair.

She sat there for a few moments thinking about how she had been forced to attend Bardon. To be honest, she didn't really mind it. The only down side was her father being the head lecturer of Comparative literature, but Beca didn't take any of those classes; she really had nothing to worry about. Beca's classes where music based and she took them on the other side of campus, so she didn't even run into her father that often. She was pretty sure that people didn't know that they were related, sure they shared the same last name but Mitchell isn't an unpopular last name, right? She tried to keep parents out of conversation as much as possible, either way it went it wasn't going to end well for Beca.

After a while Beca's thoughts had trailed off, only to be abruptly interrupted by her phone vibrating on the table in front of her, telling her that she had a text message. Her phone read  
_Dad_

_Becs! I forgot to ask, your mother and I want you to come for dinner tomorrow. Can you make it?_

_Xo _

Beca hit reply and sent,

_*step mother* _

_No, I can't Dad, I'm busy. Tell the step monster that I can't make it. _

_x _

Beca felt a bit childish calling her step mother 'step monster' but she didn't really care. She hit send and threw her phone back onto the table in front of her.

Beca slid back into her chair again and started fiddling with the amalgamation of bracelets up her arm, but before she could get lost again her phone went off, this time reminding her that the Bella's rehearsal started in 45 minutes. "Christ" Beca thought aloud, "How did all that time pass so quickly?" it didn't seem like she had been in the café for two hours. She knew that she had gotten lost in her mix, but she didn't think that she had gotten _that _lost. She picked up her still full coffee cup and headed back across the campus towards the auditorium, she didn't want to be late and actually give Aubrey a reason for hating her.

She was half way to the auditorium when she noticed, as she was staring down at her feet that a second pair of feet had appeared, wearing shiny, black ballet flats. As she slowly looked up she realised that the red head from yesterday's rehearsal was walking alongside her. She offered a friendly smile and slid her headphones off her ears and placed them around her neck, as she quickly said "Hi, sorry, I didn't really notice you there. I'm Beca." She said, stumbling over her words.

The redhead let out a little giggle. "Oh I know you name. Aubrey yelled it enough in rehearsals yesterday. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone on campus knew that there was a Beca here now. But I'm Chloe by the way."

Beca smiled at the name, _"Chloe, that's such a pretty name and it goes with such a pretty face." _Beca caught herself and stopped her thought there; she didn't even know the girl for god sake!

An awkward silence settled in as the two kept on walking.

"Oh, by the way," Chloe broke the silence. "I just wanted to apologise for the way Aubrey acted yesterday during rehearsals. I'm sure she didn't mean it, she's just a little be rough around the edges." She was making up excuses for the blonde and Beca didn't really know how to feel about that. Either way, she looked up at Chloe with a hurt look in her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess." Beca said as she started playing with her bracelets again, she did it whenever she was bored or nervous. "I guess she was kinda right though, I don't look like the rest of the Bella's. I don't really fit in." Beca trailed off and was staring at her feet.

"So? Who cares about fitting in?"

"Um, I guess a lot of people do?" Beca was shocked at Chloe's response. "But I guess I don't really try to, so I shouldn't really be surprised that I don't"

"Why should you try to fit in? Why would you try to change who you are just to meet other peoples standards? You're amazing just the way you are Beca."

Now shocked was an understatement, this amazing redhead had just called her amazing. Not that she really knew her though.

"Ah that's awfully nice of you to think Chlo, but first off, you don't really know me and secondly I don't think you've ever had problems fitting in, since you're practically perfect and everyone wants to be like you and look like you." _"Fuck, no Beca. Why did you say that? That isn't okay and now she is going to think that you're some super freak or something." _

"WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?! I try SO fucking hard, why can't people see it?" Chloe's face was almost the same fiery red as her hair.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just meant that you know, you're so pretty and you seem so carefree, you're smart and people really like you Chloe and I don't' have that… And I don't know- I just assumed that girls like you didn't have to try like girls like me do." Beca stuttered and took a step away from the angered girl.

She looked as if she was calming herself down and looked down at Beca. Beca could have died right then and there. Her eyes were so pretty; they were the most amazing blue she had ever seen.

"You really think that? Also girls 'like me'? We are very much the same Beca Mitchell." Chloe was a lot calmer now.

"Of course I do. I really hope that for your sake that we aren't much the same." Beca said before pushing the doors to the auditorium open, leaving a confused Chloe on the other side.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry this has taken so long, I didn't anticipate having so much school work! I also apologize for the awkward ending to this chapter. The next one should be up soon though! Also, reviewing would be nice, so far I don't have any feedback, but so many of you have read it. Thanks (:**

* * *

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS REFERENCES TO SELF HARM. This could be triggering to some readers!**

* * *

The next day Chloe was sitting in a lecture and the last thing that Beca had said to her was running through her head. "_I really hope that for your sake that we aren't much the same" "What did she mean? Why does she think that she is so different" _Chloe had a million thoughts running through her head about this Beca girl. Chloe shook her head, she really didn't have time to be thinking about this, about _her_, she was sitting in the middle of an important psychology lecture and she hadn't caught a single word, she shook her head trying to rid the thoughts of Beca Mitchell; she had to focus. This was not going well for Chloe.

Beca on the other hand, was sitting at her desk in her empty dorm room. She was trying to create a mix, but it just wasn't happening, everything was going to pieces for Beca. She couldn't take it any longer, she closed the lid of her Mac laptop and whipped the drawer to her right open, revealing a small box that looked like a small portable speaker. She began to full back the folds, to reveal small shiny pieces of metal. She picked up what seemed to be the newest and pressed it against her right wrist. After leaving a few cuts on her wrist, unsatisfied she moved down to her thigh, moving her pyjama shorts to the top of her thigh, creating more cuts over the marks made only a few days prior.

Before she knew it, Beca was sitting in_ Ricochet _and was having another Mocha; again waiting for her Bella's rehearsal to begin. This was becoming a habit of hers, skipping class and just relaxing. This was such a better alternative, it was less stressful and she got a mocha (it was a win-win situation really). She sat in her favourite booth, which was situated in the back corner of the café. She loved it so much, because if she sat in the far seat she couldn't be seen by anyone else. She sat back in her chair thinking about what she had said to the redhead the day beforehand. Beca sat, analysing every word that she had said (so it was more like regretting every word that she had said). She sat there hoping, wishing that Chloe didn't catch on to Beca, that Chloe had just let what Beca had said slide.

Beca was quiet relieved when she made it to rehearsal without Chloe intercepting her. She let out a sigh as she realised she wasn't the first on there either. She practically ran over to Fat Amy and delved right into a conversation, not paying attention to the red head who sat across the room engaging in a one way conversation with Aubrey. Well, at least that was until Aubrey came over to have a word with Beca that was.

"I thought I spoke to you about those things in your ears Beca Mitchell" Aubrey had managed to keep her voice low, but it was stern and intimidating. Well at least she thought it was.

"Well hello to you too miss Posen" Beca said with a smile. "It's nice to see you as well!"

"Cut the crap Beca, I told you to take them out yesterday! What are they still doing there?!" Aubrey was starting to become agitated and all patience was lost when it came to Beca.

"Ohhh, that's right. You did tell me to take them out. But, you see, I never said that I would and you see, I'm not going to either. So I'd say get used to them because they aren't going anywhere Aubrey. I'm sorry that I don't fit into your perfect little mould, but you're going to have to live with that." Her voice was calm and collected no sense of anger or urge but that just spurred Aubrey on. Her hands now clenched into fists, her clenching together and her face growing redder by the second. Beca thought that Aubrey might actually explode on her.

Beca couldn't thank Chloe enough for coming and interrupting and calming Aubrey down before she could projectile vomit on all of the Bella's. Needless to say the rest of the rehearsal wasn't very easy for Beca. Aubrey made sure that Beca was going to pay for being out of line. But every extra lap she made Beca do, every extra set Chloe was by her side so she wasn't alone. Aubrey let the first few slide, but she could see what Chloe was doing. She wasn't doing it because she liked exercise; she was doing because she liked Beca. After a few more laps and a few more insults Aubrey called the end of the rehearsal and let them all go back to their dorms.

Beca thought that she was finally free from Aubrey's wrath, but as she was packing up her stuff she heard her yell across the room to her "Oh and Beca, I want those ear monstrosities gone, along with the overabundance of bracelets up your arms." As Aubrey said her bracelets had to go, she froze. There was no way that Beca could take her bracelets off. That wasn't going to happen no matter how Aubrey threatened her. Beca must have been standing there frozen for a little too long, because Chloe came up to her.  
"Beca, you look like you've seen a ghost or something. What's wrong?"  
She cleared her throat before continuing "Oh, it's nothing. I just remembered something stupid. That's all." Beca faked her way through a smile and picked up her bag before heading out of the auditorium.

Chloe chased her as she headed out of the auditorium. "Beca Mitchell, get back here!" Chloe ran to catch up with the brunette.

As she came to a slow jog, she came up beside what seemed to be a Beca that was almost in tears.

Beca opened the door to her empty dorm room and held the door for Chloe, whom had just comforted her all the way back to her dorm. "Are you going to tell what's wrong or not Beca?" Chloe was becoming impatient with Beca and the walls that she had placed around herself.

"I – I, I doubt you even want to know, you probably don't care." She was stumbling through her words and was fighting back tears as she looked down at her feet and played with her bracelets.

"Of course I care Beca. I'm here to listen to whatever you have to say… and apparently it's big, because I've never seen you like this before. I hate seeing you upset Beca." Chloe extended her arm to her friends shoulder and slowly rubbed it, giving Beca reassurance that she did indeed care.

"Okay, well you need to tell Aubrey that I'm not taking off my bracelets for her. I can't do that. I won't do that. I wouldn't take them off for my mother and I certainly won't take them off for her."

"Why not? Can't you do it for a few hours? Just to make things easier?"

"You don't understand Chloe." Beca waved her off and moved down the bed, so she wasn't so close to the redhead.

"You're right, I don't. So help me understand Beca" Chloe pleaded.

"No, you don't want to know. You'll think I'm a freak or something; you won't be able to look at me the same."

"Beca Mitchell, I care about you so SO very much, I could never think that you were a freak and the only thing that could change in the way that I look at you is the amount of love I show – and it would only ever get bigger." Chloe was staring into Beca's big hazel coloured eyes, having to pull her gaze away before she became totally transfixed.

That was it, Beca couldn't possibly show Chloe now… Could she?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Beca couldn't think, she sat there in silence staring at her feet, wracking her brain trying to come up with something to say. So there she sat, about a foot away from Chloe, staring at her feet and playing with her bracelets; praying that Chloe would say something first, so she didn't have to. It was like all of her prays had been answered when she heard the woman beside her start talking.

"You know that you could tell me anything in the world and I wouldn't think anything less of you Beca Mitchell. Nothing would make me think any less of you and really, nothing could make me think any higher of you either."

Beca shot her a confused and hurt look before she could clarify what she meant.

"Ugh, not what I meant and you know it. I meant that I couldn't possibly think any higher of you." She said as she nudged the brunette in the ribs with her elbow.

Beca let out a slight laugh as she felt herself loosening up. "Oh I bet that I could tell you plenty of things that would make you think a lot less of me." Beca began to stiffen up again.

"Yeah? Try me."

There is was again, a silence so stiff that you could have cut it with a butter knife. Chloe reached out and put a hand on Beca's thigh, putting pressure against Beca's cuts - a little too much pressure. Beca let out a slight hiss and Chloe withdraw her hand, seeing the pain what was written across the brunette's face; making the connection that it was her hand causing her pain.

"What? What's wrong? What did I do?" Chloe was on the verge of panicking.

"Nothing, you just leant against a bruise, it's fine." Beca was lying through her back teeth and Chloe knew it.

"A bruise on the top of your thigh that's so bad that you're in that much pain? I call Bullshit Beca Mitchell." Chloe reached over to Beca and began to pull her shorts up.

_'Why the fuck did I decide to wear shorts today? I never wear fucking shorts!'_ Beca stopped Chloe's hand from trailing up any further, but it was too late, the bottoms of her scars were in plain sight. She looked up to the red head, panic written all over Beca's face.

"Be-Be-Beca" Chloe used her spare hand to cover her mouth, not being sure of what to say to the brunette.

Tears began to fall down Beca's face; she swallowed, trying to hold in her emotions.

Beca flinched, pulling away so she was sitting on the opposite side of the bed. "See, you're not like me. You're nothing like me." Beca was almost yelling with the oceans welling in her eyes.

Chloe reached over to the crying brunette and embraced her in a tight hug, but Beca didn't want that she pushed and tried to wriggle herself out of Chloe's reach. Chloe just held on tighter, with her hand stroking through the brunette hair and whispering into her ear "Shh, Beca it's going to be okay. Just let it all out, cry as much as you need to. I'm here for you okay?" until she had stopped crying and somehow had managed to calm herself down.

After a few moments of sitting in a comfortable silence Beca finally spoke. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm sorry for getting mad at you. It was silly, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to see all that. It won't happen again, sorry." She stumbled over her words as she said them at a lightning fast speed.

"Just stop okay? Stop right there. I'm your friend and I love you. I will always love you and like I said before 'I care about you so SO very much, I could never think that you were a freak and the only thing that could change in the way that I look at you is the amount of love I show – and it would only ever get bigger' "Chloe referred to her previous statement. "I just don't want to see you hurt anymore, I don't want you hurting yourself like this."

Beca was lost with what to say next, so she just looked deep into the pair of perfect blue eyes in front of her and nodded.

Chloe opened her mouth, as if she were going to speak, until she quickly closed it again without a word- hoping that Beca hadn't noticed anything.

"What?" Beca asked.

_"she noticed" _Chloe thought to herself.

"…I… I – it's nothing" Chloe had a question burning inside of her, wanting to come out, yearning for an answer but she knew that she couldn't ask it.

"No, what? What's wrong?" Beca wanted to know what Chloe had to say.

An uncomfortable pause lingered in the air.

"Okay, can I ask a question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to." The words fell out of Chloe's mouth; she didn't even think that Beca had managed to catch what she has said because she'd said it so quickly.

"Sure?" Saying that Beca was worried with what was about to come out of Chloe's mouth was an understatement.

"wh-why?"

"Why what?" Beca fully knew what Chloe was asking her, but she had to make sure.

"Did you do it?"

Beca tensed at how Chloe said 'did', implying that she wasn't going to do it again. "Because." Beca said as she simply shrugged at the redhead.

Chloe just sat there, waiting for Beca to give her a proper answer.

"I just do, okay. Because I need to make sure that I'm still alive and so that I don't just feel numb all the time, so I can feel pain. Because Chloe, the monsters don't live under my bed or in my closet, they live inside my head" Beca took in a deep breath before she continued, "It's pain that _I _control, not my Father, not Aubrey. Me. Because I deserve it, the pain and the punishment; I deserve it all. It's hard to explain and you probably won't understand, but after all, I'm just adding more and more ugly scars to the rest of this ugly body of mine." Beca was hesitant to look up and see Chloe's reaction, but she had to she wanted to know so badly what she thought of her.

But there is was again; silence, nothing. Beca was waiting for Chloe to say something, anything. Beca watched as Chloe got up from her seat on her bed.

"I, I'm sorry please don't go" Beca blurted out."

Chloe wasn't going anywhere though. As Beca tried to get up Chloe pushed her back onto the bed, where Beca was sitting before and scooted beside her, taking her into a tight embrace. As soon as Beca felt Chloe tighten her arms around Beca she couldn't help but to burst out into tears, as if it were on cue.

Chloe turned her head slightly to whisper to Beca "shh, it's going to be okay. I'm here for you, whatever you need at whatever hour of the day, or night. I'm here." She said before planting a slight peck on Beca's cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**_I give up with apologizing with my slack updating (I am sorry though), so I'd just like to thank you all for being patient and for continuing reading. Hopefully you are all enjoying and you aren't just reading it so I don't feel bad! I'd just like to say for those Aubrey fans, I promise that she is going to show her true colours soon, she isn't going to be a bitch forever (so stay tuned to see that!) _**

**_Again, thank you to everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of posting. _**

**_Also if anyone is interested, I have a tumblr, it's .com_**

**_xx_**

Beca was sitting cross legged on her usual seat in the Bella's auditorium, it was both in plain sight yet tucked away at the same time. If you just walked into the auditorium and you weren't looking around, there's a chance that you wouldn't see her. She sat looking down at her wrist and fiddling with her bracelets; saying that she was worried was an understatement. Her overabundance of bracelets was now only a quarter the way up her arm, trying to conform to Aubrey's standards but she knew it wouldn't be enough for her, she hadn't gotten rid of all her bracelets, but at least some of them where gone; she had also taken out all of her earrings. That should be enough right? That should please Aubrey for the mean time. She sat there and worried for a good few minutes about what Chloe had said to Aubrey, she had promised not to tell Aubrey exactly why, but Beca couldn't help but think that Chloe would accidently let it slip. After all she loved gossiping and talking, but Beca wasn't sure if this counted as gossip, it wasn't exactly front page material like a cheerleader losing her virginity to a varsity quarter back.

Beca liked sitting in the empty auditorium, it was so peaceful, serene and she was almost upset when she heard the door open. Much to her dismay, it was Aubrey's voice that she heard.

"You're just trying to stick up for her, if this was really that bad then she would have the audacity to come and talk to _me _about it; she wouldn't need you to do her dirty work Chlo."

Beca sat there frozen, not knowing if she should sit as still as she could and hope that they wouldn't see her, or should she acknowledge them. Before she could make up her mind Chloe was responding to Aubrey.

"You don't get it. 'Brey it's hard for her, just cut her some slack, please."

Beca jumped at Chloe's use of the word cut.

"Well you know what I think? I think she has you twisted around her little finger, she has you right where she wants you and the worst part is you're letting her do it to you Chlo!" Aubrey was honing in on Chloe, stepping closer and closer.

Chloe brought her face closer to Aubrey's "She fucking _cuts herself, her bracelets hide her fucking cuts." _Chloe lowered her voice, whilst still getting mad at Aubrey.

The pair was disrupted by a gasp that came from across the room. Beca was still in her seat, looking as white as a ghost from what she had just heard. Before anything could be said Beca was on her feet, running for the door, her eyes stinging from tears _'fuck fuck fuck fuck' _was all that was running through her head.

"You aren't going to run after her?" Aubrey looked at Chloe with a questioning look.

"No, not yet, I'll go and see her later. I need to figure out what I'm going to say because FUCK Aubrey FUCK. I wasn't meant to tell you, I fucking promised that I wouldn't fucking do that. She's never going to fucking trust me ever fucking again, fuck fuck fuck." Chloe was pacing around the auditorium, tears of frustration stinging her eyes as she tried to figure out how to fix the mess that she had just made.

_She had just opened up to me, she was actually letting me in and I just fucked that up! _Chloe's hands were going yellow, from balling her hands into tight fists.

Beca found herself intently listening to her converse slapping against the concrete footpath below her as she was sprinting back to her dorm, her eyes stinging from trying to hold back tears. She slammed open the door to her dorm building, climbing up 4 flights of stairs, taking two at a time before reaching her door. She ripped open her bag and started rifling through it to find her key, after fumbling to get the key to fit through the lock she finally tore open her door and made a beeline for her bed. She sat in her unmade bed for hours crying and replaying what had just happened in her head, not being able to believe that Chloe had actually told Aubrey. Beca thought that there was a chance that Chloe wouldn't be able to keep it to herself, but she dearly hoped that she had it all wrong; obviously Beca had been right. She shouldn't have trusted her with her deepest darkest secret.

Beca tossed and turned in her bed, this time she wasn't woken by being tangled up in her headphones. Today she was awoken by throbbing pain in her head, the stinging of her eyes and the saliva (or lack thereof) in her mouth. As she opened her eyes she was blinded by the light flooding into the room from the open window, squinting at first to be able to see properly; from the amount of light there was, she figured that it was about 10 am and that she'd missed the beginning of her first lecture and she couldn't see any reason why should now rush to make the end of it. She peered over to her phone to check the time, only to see that she had numerous missed calls and unread messages.

As she began tracing the pattern on her phone to unlock it as a quaint knock came from outside her door. She froze in her place, it could only be one person… Chloe.

Another knock came from outside her door.

She picked herself out of her bed and reached for some meds to fix her head, only to be met with another knock, still as quaint as the first. "Give me a tick" Beca said between taking meds and swallowing.

Walking towards the door, Beca realised that she didn't actually want to open it. _Maybe I could pretend I'm not here_ a part of her said, stopping in her place, she agreed with herself; that's what she is going to do_, how will they if I'm actually here or not? They aren't just going to burst in._ This sounded like a bullet proof plan, until she realised that a few moments earlier that she had actually said something to the person on the other side. _Fuck. _Beca didn't really have a choice on this; she had to answer the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter six_**

**_Hopefully the chapters will be coming out quicker, better and longer (: I noticed that the last few chapters are lacking in those areas, so I hope to improve them for you all. I'm so so sorry that is has taken so long for me to update this fic. Senior year has been a lot more full on then I had expected and at the moment I'm studying for a lot of my major exams and my QCS test. It's a lot to do._**

**Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this chapter. **

**_Again, thank you to everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of posting. _**

**_Reminder, if anyone is interested, I have a tumblr, it's .com_**

**_xx_**

**Recap of the last chapter**

_Chloe brought her face closer to Aubrey's "She fucking cuts herself, her bracelets hide her fucking cuts." Chloe lowered her voice, whilst still getting mad at Aubrey. _

_The pair was disrupted by a gasp that came from across the room. Beca was still in her seat, looking as white as a ghost from what she had just heard. Before anything could be said Beca was on her feet, running for the door, her eyes stinging from tears 'fuck fuck fuck fuck' was all that was running through her head. _

_Beca found herself intently listening to her converse slapping against the concrete footpath below her as she was sprinting back to her dorm, her eyes stinging from trying to hold back tears. She slammed open the door to her dorm building, climbing up 4 flights of stairs, taking two at a time before reaching her door. She ripped open her bag and started rifling through it to find her key, after fumbling to get the key to fit through the lock she finally tore open her door and made a beeline for her bed. She sat in her unmade bed for hours crying and replaying what had just happened in her head, not being able to believe that Chloe had actually told Aubrey._

_As she began tracing the pattern on her phone to unlock it as a quaint knock came from outside her door. She froze in her place; it could only be one person… Chloe… _

**Chapter six**

**Word Count: 1, 753**

**Rating: **

'I'm sorry' rang through the room and echoed through Beca's mind. Whilst having her head buried in her hands, she felt Chloe take a step towards her; she took her head out of her hands to see that Chloe had an arm extended, about to comfort her.

"Don't." She said as she brought her knees to her chest, pulling herself even further away from the redhead.

"Beca, just listen to me, please." Chloe pleaded, she needed this… She needed Beca…

"Give me one good reason why I should." She said as she wiped away the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks.

Chloe was lost, there wasn't a single reason why she should listen; Chloe had stuffed up big time.

A silence had settled in whilst Chloe stared at the floor wracking her brain for a response. After giving Chloe a lengthy amount of time to think, she looked up to her,

"Exactly, that's what I fucking thought. There isn't a single fucking reason why I should listen; there isn't one single reason why I should be giving you the time of fucking day." She said as she stood up to sit at her computer; leaving Chloe standing in the middle of the room by herself.

Whilst Beca's back was turned Chloe stepped forwards and sat herself on Beca's bed, placing her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

"I – I know I've exhausted the word, but I am sorry, I really am." Chloe began to cry.

"I fucked up and I know it. I just wanted Aubrey to lay off of you. I know that I shouldn't have told her" Chloe said as she wiped tears away.

"You promised you wouldn't." Beca said whilst staring at her blank computer screen.

"I just wanted to help. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you. You mean too much to me. I honestly was just trying to help and I put my foot in it. I wanted to make you hurt less and instead I made you hurt more." Chloe's sleeves were drenched with her tears now.

Chloe looked up, a look of horror spread across her face. "Oh God, no, I didn't make you, I didn't make you do it did I?"

Beca froze. To be honest she couldn't remember if she had or not.

Chloe was now crying even harder. "Oh God I'm such an idiot. I'm now the reasons behind someone's _scars on their body._ I'm an awful person." With that Chloe got up off of Beca's bed and headed for the door.

Beca swivelled around on her computer chair and signalled for Chloe to stay. "Chlo, no, you're not. I didn't I promise."

"Really?" She dried her tears. "You're totally just saying that to make me feel better" She reached for the handle of the door.

"No I didn't. Here I'll prove it to you." Beca said as she picked herself up off of her chair and made her way over to Chloe. Beca began to pull up her sleeve, praying that she actually hadn't. Chloe lunged forward to peer at the cuts covering Beca's arm, gasping at the sheer amount of them and how deep they appeared to be. Chloe's eyes began to tear up again at the obvious sight of how much her dear friend was hurting.

"What?" Beca questioned.

Before Chloe could answer Beca had come to the realisation that Chloe had only seen her thigh and that she had planned on not showing her arm. "Fuck," Beca said as she tugged her sleeves down. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Beca trailed off as she threw herself back down onto her computer chair and put her head into her hands. "I'm the biggest fucking idiot" Beca said under her breath.

Chloe sat herself down on the end of Beca's bed and turned her chair around so they were facing each other. She took Beca's hands into her own and intertwined their fingers. "Beca, please just calm down, you aren't an idiot, I am. And please don't hate me for any of this; I was honestly trying to help. But, most of all, please don't regret telling me any of this; it really does mean the world to me that you've opened up to me and I really hope that I haven't ruined our friendship for us."

Chloe paused to look down at her hands and how Beca's hand fitted so perfectly in her own.

"I know that I have hurt you and I know that what I did was incredibly wrong, but is there any possible way that you could forgive me?" She said still staring down at their pair of hands.

"Because Beca, I don't know what I would do without you in my life. Since that first day that I invaded your shower space at the beginning of the year, you have become a big part of my life and I never want to lose you." Chloe said as she brought her gaze up to meet Beca's smoky blue eyes.

Beca didn't know what to think, she did want to forgive Chloe but at the same time she was still hurt by what she had done.

"I- I…" Beca started, not knowing where this was going." I don't know. I really don't. I trusted you and you went right ahead and let me down Chlo. I don't know if I can trust you again."

Chloe began to cry. She pulled her hands away to wipe away her tears.

"I'm sorry Chloe; I just don't think that I can do it." Beca was starting to feel bad.

Chloe's eyes met Beca's once again; the look of sorrow and apology plagued throughout them.

"Well I guess this is goodbye to our friendship." Chloe sighed as she picked herself up and lead her to the door, "Just know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you, whatever time of the day or night, I'm a phone call away."

She still had her back to Beca, reaching out for the door handle. "and know that I'll be forever be apologising for fucking this up and know that most of all that I love you and that I care about you." Chloe stood, leaning against the door frame, looking down at her hands, twirling her thumbs. As she looked up, Beca slowly swivelled around on her computer chair with tears welling in her eyes.

"Oh God, oh God what I have done now, I didn't mean to I swear!" Chloe exclaimed as she hurried and kneeled in front of the Brunettes chair. Beca put her hands up to her mouth, staring blankly ahead, not giving anything away in her facial expression.

"There's nothing wrong, you didn't do anything." She reassured her. Chloe looked at her puzzled, yet she was relieved that she hadn't caused her friend any more pain.

"I – just - no one has told me that they'd loved me before… Even if it was just in a friendly way..." Tears began to roll down her cheek; Chloe brought up a hand to wipe them away.

"Hun" Chloe stood up to take Beca into a tight embrace. Beca willingly stood up and buried her head between Chloe's head and chest. For a few moments they stood there just like that, content with it all as Beca sobbed into Chloe's chest, whilst Chloe used one hand to pull Beca's waist as close to hers and possible and her other to run through Beca's hair, trying to calm her down.

After a few moments of being in Chloe's embrace, she had managed to calm down. "Ugh Chloe Beale." She removed herself from Chloe and took a few steps forward.

"What?" She spun around to face Beca, with a confused look on her face.

"Is it possible to stay mad at you?" Beca sighed.

Chloe beamed. "Oh yes. Many people have vendettas out against me."

"Hm, well I'd like to know who they are so they can give me hints and tips." Beca smirked.

"Hey, I said I was sorry. I tried to patch the fuck up that I made. You can't possibly hate me for that."

"No, I can't and that's the problem." She began to laugh

Chloe took a giant step towards Beca and scooped her up into a hug. "Ahh I'm so glad you're laughing."

"Uhh yeah, it's kind of this thing that us humans do. It's great you should try it sometime." Beca poked Chloe in the ribs with her elbow.

"Oh stop it Mitchell, we both know that I am the Queen of laughter around here." She stood taller, putting her shoulders back and lifting her chin.

"Oh, okay Beale. I see how it is." Beca stood with her arms crossed, trying to stand as tall as she could.

"Oh naw, you look so cute with your arms crossed and making a pouty face." Chloe said as she pinched Beca's right cheek.

"Ow… My cheek..." Beca exclaimed and Chloe removed her hand from her face.

As soon as she had removed her hand she saw why Beca had exclaimed her pain; in place of Chloe's forefinger and thumb was a big red mark covering Beca's cheek.

"Aww, I'm sorry. Here let me kiss it better for you." Chloe said as she slightly lent down to plant a kiss on Beca's cheek.

Beca's heart stopped as she felt the velvety softness touch her cheek and as she inhaled she took in a waft of Chloe's perfume; all previous thoughts had now been forgotten as her thoughts were now plagued by this ginger standing in front of her. As Chloe removed her lips from Beca's cheek, she slowly stood back up again; keeping her eyes locked with Beca's; much longer than either of them cared to know. The look of lust was evident in Beca's eyes and Chloe would have had to be blind not to see it, but she would have been lying if she didn't feel the same way. Chloe searched Beca's eyes, her face for a single clue or hint as to what she should do next. But luckily she didn't have to do anything, because Beca had noticed the hunger and the lust in Chloe's eyes that she could feel in her own. So ever so slowly Beca stood up on tippy toes and leaned forward so she was level with Chloe and ever so slowly the brought her lips to meet Chloe's in a soft, tender kiss.

**A/N: **_And that's the end of this chapter! WHOOO Tbh, I have no idea when the next one will be out, so if you guys just harass me like you did with this chapter, it will be out sooner. Also I'm not sure if I'm going to write any smut in this fic, if that's a thing that you guys want just let me know and I might make that happen. Again I would just like to thank everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of updating, school and my personal life have become very hard, so getting time to just chill and write fic is hard at the moment. Nevertheless, I will always come back and update, it just might take me a while! Have a good one guys xx_


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